the reason.

how many chances do you get with love?

yes, i know, what an over-dramatic way to start out a post; but honestly...

how many?

you see, up until november twenty-nineth i would have told you that there is one specific person for each of us and one time you truly fall in love.

why, you ask?

because on 11.29.04, my world, if only figuratively, came to a screetching, rusty, mind-piercing hult when my, then fiance, broke up with me.

no, i don't claim to have met her and fell in love with her in the six months that we dated. i fell in love with her three months before we even started dating.

in retrospect, we moved too fast, and i let things slide by that i shouldn't have. but let me present to you that it was real. my love for her was as real as the keyboard i'm typing on right now.

but that's over...she ended it.

...wh..what now?

am i forever destined to walk this life alone?

and, this hurt, this real hurt, to quote one of my own songs, "will it everfade?"

it's not for lack of future interests that i'm begrudgingly being pulled away from this love and heartache. more than a few beautiful, and more importantly, worth-while ladies have shown interest in me in the last several months.

in fact, there is a girl that i'm actually dating as of friday; her name is stephanie. she is so good to me. she's very affectionate and caring; she loves the Lord, and as a bonus she's even beautiful.

and for reasons i'll never understand, she's in love with me.

but if we have more than one chance at love, why am i not in love with her...?




her name is mandy.

the walking wounded.

well, it certainly has been quite some time since i last updated this website.

yes...yes it has.

alot has probably happened since my last post. i could rivet you with all the pre-teen details or just tell you nothing and pick up from here.

guess which one i chose? :)

i will share with you a recent god-sent; accountability.

every monday night, my dorm floor has what has come to be known as 'hall meeting'. this semester we have been going through a book entitled, "disciplines of a godly man". two monday's ago, we discussed the chapter on purity and how we, as young men, need accountability. we all broke up into small groups, my group consisting of: john, sergio, brandon, jeff and myself. that thursday, after our weekly prayer meeting, we met in john and sergio's room and began our accountability session. to 'break the ice' and enstill trust amongst the lot of us, we went around the circle and each person revealed their inner-most secret sins. it was indeed an emotional night and we walked out of that room truly connected forever somehow.

since then we've been meeting every monday and thursday and inbetween those days keeping each other accountable on our bible reading and school work.

speaking of school work...

yeah.

not so much.

well, things really got over on me when i got the flu a couple of weeks ago. i missed alot of class and thus missed some homework assignments. i got to make up a test in pneumatology(the study of the holy spirit) and i'm thinking i did really well on it. i need to ask dr. wallace tomorrow if i can make up any tests that i've missed in his class(bible history II).

i've apparently abandoned all use of the library and tutors and no matter how many times ms. rude(academic advisor) tells me i have to go to the library and turn in a sheet documenting that i have been there; i don't.

it's just like when paul writes, and this is a paraphrase mind you, 'the things i should do, i don't do; and the things i shouldn't do, i do do.'

my flesh is selfish, lazy and null and void of the looming consequences of lack of responsibility in my life.

damn this resilient old man...

as much as i've wounded him, he just won't seem to die.

to quote third eye blind, "it's like walking with the wounded."

and, oh yeah...




i've got strep throat.


"...lilac!"