the sophmore album: merely a freshmen.

"i won't put myself in this situation again..."

famous last words.

i won't lie and say that i remember saying those eight exact words nearly a year ago. i probably shouldn't of put that phrase in quotations.

oh well.

never-the-less, forgetting about the possible errored wording and grammar folly, i made some comment to that affect about one year ago.

and guess what?

that's right, i did put myself in that situation again.

putting aside the fact that i just recently got saved(i'll explain later), i have struggled with going to class and doing the work i need to get done.

basically i've wasted two years of my life here at college...right?

that statement couldn't be any further from the truth.

now, to be logical and honest, i did lose alot of money. i failed and/or dropped alot of classes. so, after two years in college, i find myself still very much a freshmen. by credit hours, atleast.

but God has blessed me with so many awesome opportunities to minister to hundreds of people and be ministered to. i've been given so many great friends...wow, so many! i've been given endless chances to impact my friends' lives and i actually have, for the better.

so, what next?

i've come to another fork in the road. i can go home to ohio or stay here in missouri. at either place i'd just be working and just living life. here, i have a girlfriend and a christian foundation of friends, and in ohio i would most likely get mixed up with the wrong girls and the wrong friends, once again.

the logical choice is to stay in springfield, and i've decided to stay.

i'm using the services of addecco, a hiring agency, to find me a job. i'll know by friday if they've come up with anything.

then there's the issue of housing. stephanie told me to move in with her, of course. which, to ne honest, sounds great, but i really shouldn't for testimonies sake. patrick said i could move in with him and his roommate and live in their basement.

so, i'll be taking the fall semester off and we'll be out of school from late may until mid-january. which is much needed, as i can definitely forsee myself 'burning out'.

so i need a job and a place to crash...not like an accident, i mean crash as in like a place to dwell, or live...for a while. about eight months...ish.

stephanie and i are doing really well. we've argued quite a bit lately, but as jeff put it, i don't want to be in a relationship where there aren't any arguments.

um...i've had this saved as a draft for five days now, so i'm just going to post it incomplete and start a'new.

thank you for your understanding.



and for you, yeah you, quit whinning!

the cowboy in me.

jeff always serves for two good things; a) he pisses me off. now this is not to say that he does this all the time, but he seems to hold the figurative key to start me up often enough to mention. and b) he inspires me. whether it be a three-quarter done self portrait he has hanging from his wall, or a bit of writing he has done.

whatever it is, he inspires me.

waking up this morning, i went straight to jeff's ro-- wait, no i didn't. i went straight for the bathroom, my mistake. then i went to jeff's room; straight-like.

upon seeing that my friend was clearly at work, as he preps on saturday mornings, i sat down on the couch in front of the very computer i'm using to type this piece. after shaking my head half in a 'that's jeff for ya', and half 'he should never be allowed control of his own money' kinda way as i looked at his itunes collection that is approaching the two hundred mark; i was bored.

i got up to leave the room...i don't know where i would have actually gone...but spotted jeff's black journal.

oooh.

exactly.

jeff never being a stickler for privacy, the way he is for the law, i sat down and began to unravel the reading.

i read of jeff's struggles, many i already knew of, others i didn't. i read about his continuing search into salvation. i read about the old man, unfortunately, emerging more times than the new in his life.

i was inspired.

don't misconstrue my inspiration. inbetween jeff's search for truth and his losing to the old man, i did not find hope or an inspiring line or song lyric he had left. in fact, i found nothing of the sort.

what inspired me to update this poorly updated logging of my life?

the cowboy.

you see, while in jeff there is the constant battle with the old man, in me, there is a constant battle with the cowboy in me.

why do i call him the cowboy, and not the old man?

because of his nature. he's ever attacking me, always on the prowl. he's young and strong, yet wise and crafty all the same.

oh, make no mistake, he's not an old codger by any means. he's a young, soul thirsty, rough, rowdy and dangerous outlaw riding into the sunset that is as red and firery as the hell it surely leads to. and everyday i can be found watering my horse, whether it be with lusts of the flesh, or wisdom of the word, preparing him for one of two trails we will ride.

the broad trail. this trail is wide and made of soft clay, easy on the horses' hooves. one side is lined with fruit trees, the other with a stream of clean, clear, cold, water. there are many intriguing, arousing stops along the way to further cushion your ride. but this path's scenery and pleasantness does not correctly portray it's end. for this trail leads down to hell.

the narrow trail. this trail is small and riddled with potholes, dangerous for the health of the horse. one side is a flat, dusty, land with a few trees scattered along the way. the other with a dried up creek that only seems to produce water when you're on the brink of dehydration. eye-pleasing resting spots simply don't exist, only the ground or near-by ditch will cradle you through the night. and even this path's scenery and lack of plesantrees is deceiving to it's end. for this trail leads up to the throne of God.

two words:












cowboy up.